FOURTH NIGHT

The Virgin Palin

WHEN JOHN MCCAIN announced Sarah Palin as his running mate, a number of Doubting Thomases within the ranks questioned his judgment. But the ensuing surge of blood into the Republican Party’s worryingly flaccid and impotent apparatus (a process referred to in politer circles as “energizing the base”), quickly brought these skeptics to their senses. They welcomed the “former” beauty queen (pfff, former!) and aerial wolf hunter with a zeal of outstretched arms that was surpassed only by the engorged manhood of the Pakistan President.

Unfortunately a few Katie Couric interviews, an ethical misconduct investigation, and recent geospatial revelations that neither Russia nor Putin’s head is visible from Wasilla or Anchorage have resurfaced the murmurs of doubt over McCain’s choice, but skeptics should heed the advice of Jesus—In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world—a sanguinity that was reflected in Palin’s Straight Talk Express response when asked if she was ready to be President: “Absolutely. Yup. Yup.”
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