May 4 2009

Nein, nein, says Yiangoulis

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*Apologies to those who’ve unsuccessfully attempted over the last two months to post a comment and thanks to Matt Weber for bringing the glitch to my attention. For someone who spends most of his time hauling, or thinking about hauling, lobsters from the seafloor, you’re not a bad tech consultant. 

Left to right: Andriani Psaras, Yiangos (aka Yiangoulis) Psaras, Georgos Psaras, Vassiliki Psaras (my grandmother), Anastassia Psaras

Left to right: Andriani Psaras, Yiangos (aka Yiangoulis) Psaras, Georgos Psaras, Vassiliki Psaras (my grandmother), Anastasia Psaras

During my childhood years in Cyprus, my parents used to occasionally take me and my sister to visit my grandmother’s brother, Yiangoulis, and his wife, Anna. Their house, with its acres of backyard citrus orchards, was off the road to Kourion, our favorite beach, and so often we would pull off the cypress-flanked road into their driveway for a coffee and ‘glyko karidaki,’ a Cypriot dessert of whole green walnuts that have been boiled and preserved in a thick sugar syrup. 

James Joyce

James Joyce

Despite living on a fruit farm, Yiangoulis was almost always buttoned up as if he’d just returned from some august country club beyond the lemon groves and droning cicadas. A tall lanky man, with round black wiry glasses, long delicate fingers and small sharp eyes, he didn’t look like a Cypriot (in fact, now that I think of it, he looked like James Joyce). He was a gambler and backyard magician who would offer us money if we solved one of his riddles, which inevitably involved numeric puzzles or matches arranged in infuriating geometric formations. 
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Mar 4 2008

Orthodoxy in Kenya (Part II)

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God is Great license plate, Orthodoxy in KenyaThe following photos constitute the second and final part of my photo essay on Kenyan Orthodoxy (for Part I click here). They were all taken in Western Kenya, mostly in remote Luo villages in the tropical forests around Lake Victoria. Although Western Kenya’s principal city, Kisumu, had a reputation even then for being unsafe at night, and although the Lake Victoria region of Western Kenya is hardly prosperous, the region’s slow paced village life, rolling tea fields, tracts of fertile farmland, and tropical lushness all conveyed a sense of peace and relative abundance (although the same cannot be said of Western Kenya’s Rift Valley, a vast flat arid plain dotted with Masai communities living in abject dirt-and-flies poverty). This bucolic impression may have been exaggerated by the fact that I had spent so much time in the Nairobi shantytowns, which make for miserable living from any perspective. Nevertheless, whatever truth there may have been to the idyllic picture of Western Kenya was shattered in recent months when the region, especially Kisumu and the Rift Valley, experienced some of Kenya’s goriest bloodletting in the post-election bedlam. There was no hint then of what was to come, at least not to the transient visitor’s eye. The only violence I had experienced was from an Anopheles mosquito, which injected me with a dose of malaria and soon had me curled up in a trembling, feverish heap just in time for the seven-hour potholed drive back to Nairobi.

SLIDESHOW OF PHOTO ESSAY (part II)

-Constantine Markides

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Feb 4 2008

Orthodoxy in Kenya (Part I)

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Christ crucified, Kenyan OrthodoxyIN 1922, a young woman named Hadley Richardson thought she would surprise her husband, who at the time was in Switzerland on assignment as a war correspondent, by bringing to him almost all of his fiction-all unpublished-from their Paris apartment.  It turned out a surprise all right, but not the sort she intended. While her train was still stationed in the Gare de Lyon, she briefly left the compartment to buy some mineral water. On returning she found that the valise-which contained not only the manuscripts, but also the carbon copies, duplicates, etc.-was gone.  In hindsight the traumatic loss seems only appropriate, even fortuitous, for that young writer-Ernest Hemingway-who would develop a ‘less is more’ credo and whose mascot, if we might ascribe him one posthumously, may as well have been a scalpel.

For this month’s essay I had intended to write about my experiences shadowing the Orthodox Archbishop of Kenya as a journalist for two weeks last July through Nairobi and Western Kenya as he toured a group of Cypriots (on their yearly “Holy Mission” to Kenya) around Orthodox churches, schools, orphanages and clinics that they had helped finance. But when I sat down to write I realized I’d unwittingly discarded or lost all of my notes.  No traumatic loss of the young Hemingway variety, but still a downer. 

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Nov 4 2007

Manning the Dead Zone (Part IV)

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To read the first part of this piece about guard duty on the Green Line click here

AN ANTI-TANK gun exercise took place six weeks into my sentry duty.  There was some form of firing practice every month or two.  One might imagine conscripts would look forward to these trainings, if only for a change of scenery, but the only one interested in my outpost was me, and I was not even scheduled to go, since the military only trained three-month conscripts on rifles.  But my camp commander accepted my request to participate in the firing exercise, and so on the scheduled morning—a cold overcast one that prompted even more grumbling among those required to attend—I found myself jam-packed along with twenty-five other conscripts in the back of an army truck heading south-west of the capital.   
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Oct 4 2007

Manning the Dead Zone (Part III)

by Constantine Markides
posted in Army, Cyprus, Humor
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Part I of this piece is the August 4 entry

Cypriot army outpost on Green Line in Nicosia

One of my outposts on the Nicosia Green Line

CONSECUTIVE DAYS of sentry duty took their toll, especially when the shifts were every four hours.  For days on end you might not get much more than three hours of continuous sleep.  You were also punished if you were caught sleeping before ten pm or after six am.  Although there was a designated midday “rest period” between one and four, it was generally only good for a short nap: unless you had the ten-to-noon shift, both lunch and sentry duty fell within those hours.  This restrictive sleeping schedule combined with the many hours of being on foot all day ensured you were never fully rested.  I assume the idea was to accustom soldiers to the sleep deprivation conditions of war, but the only thing the soldiers acclimatized to was the capacity to sleep through anything.  I am sure that if a grenade had exploded outside our window, only half of us would have awoken; the other half would have required a direct strike. 
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Sep 4 2007

Manning the Dead Zone (Part II)

by Constantine Markides
posted in Army, Cyprus, Humor
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The first part of this piece is the August 4 entry

Rooftop outpost where Constantine Markides was stationed on Green Line

My rooftop outpost on the Nicosia Green Line

THE OTHER CONSCRIPTS in my outpost, many of whom had been stationed on the Green Line months before I arrived and who would be there months after I left, were understandably blasé about the pristine surroundings. 

“When I first came I was always staring out there, moving the spotlight around every time I heard a sound,” one of the conscripts told me as he motioned towards the Buffer Zone.  “Now I don’t even look over there anymore.  There’s nothing there.  That’s why it’s called the Dead Zone.” 
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Aug 4 2007

Manning the Dead Zone (Part I)

by Constantine Markides
posted in Army, Cyprus, Humor
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(see Three Months in the Life of the Cypriot National Guard for a preface to this piece)

Cyprus ArmyIN THE CYPRIOT National Guard, all of the conscripts except those serving a reduced three-month term undergo a one-month training after boot camp known as ‘combat school.’  Combat school is where, as my training camp company commander put it, “you learn what it means to be a soldier—to run from morning to night, to go on treks, to go shooting.”  Since their service time is so short, three-monthers bypass combat school and are instead sent directly to their assigned army camps after basic training. 

Few of the conscripts in my boot camp actually wanted to attend combat school.  It is only natural that conscripted soldiers—who are compelled to enlist by law not choice—will generally be averse to training of any kind.  Eastern Mediterranean peoples also as a rule avoid physical exercise as much as possible, possibly a genetic leaning that evolved out of the draining heat.  Continue reading

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Jul 4 2007

The Way of the Arpha (Part III)

by Constantine Markides
posted in Army, Cyprus, Religion, Satire
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The first part of this piece is the May 4 entry and the second part is the June 4 entry.

Constantine Markides and fellow arphades8. THE LAMP

THE EPICENTER of the training camp was a vast plaza roughly the size of a football pitch where all parades and ceremonies took place.  The paved plaza was empty save for two buildings. On the far end, overlooking the Mediterranean, was the training camp headquarters building.  And in the middle of the plaza, rising up out of the center of this vast concrete plain, was the church.  It was one-fifth the size of the headquarters building and was essentially no more than an altar and sanctum designed for outdoor services, but its focal location sent the clear message that the activities of the training camp were dedicated and beholden to the house of God, who was after all the best general the army had ever known since He was the only superior who commanded the respect of almost all the soldiers.  He was so effective at infusing discipline and elevating morale among army ranks that no other officer had ever raised the tender and controversial matter of His beard, although a few officers did secretly nurse the hope that He might one day be reconceived as a clean-shaven Lord, or at least a mustached one.  Continue reading

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Jun 4 2007

The Way of the Arpha (Part II)

by Constantine Markides
posted in Army, Cyprus, Hygiene, Satire
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The first part of this piece is the May 4 entry.

Zastava with flower3 GRIVAS

AFTER ROLL CALL at morning lineup, a corporal announced that those who wished to see a doctor should go line up by the wall. Twenty-three of the seventy-three conscripts with apparently obscure ailments that manifested no external symptoms at once buoyantly made their way to the wall where they waited, their grinning faces radiating health and well-being.

An officer from headquarters then took the place of the corporal. He glared down silently upon us through his red-tinted sunglasses.

“Somebody discharged in the showers,” he finally said. “Obviously whoever did it learned it at home. His old man taught him. That’s the only excuse for that.” Continue reading

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May 4 2007

The Way of the Arpha (Part I)

by Constantine Markides
posted in Army, Cyprus, Satire
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(see the April 4 posting Three Months in the Life of the Cypriot National Guard for a preface to this piece)

Cyprus army arphas discipline

arphas (ärf’äs) 1. a Cypriot male who conscripts in the January “alpha” series of National Guard basic training   2. (derogatory) a jackass (pl. arphades)

1 THE CONSCRIPTION OFFICER

THE CONSCRIPTION OFFICER did not look up from his desk when I entered his office. Nor did he look up when I handed him the copy of my birth certificate proving I was over the age of twenty-six or the consul’s letter from a Cyprus embassy in the U.S. confirming I had spent most of my life outside of Cyprus.

He glanced at the consul’s document. “Why isn’t this in Greek!” he muttered in a voice without a trace of Cypriot dialect. “They want to make us all Amerikanakia!” He slowly and disgustedly shook his head at this diplomatic betrayal of the ethnic struggle. It was deplorable because the National Guard had been trying for close to a half century to make us Cypriots all Greeks. Continue reading

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