Comments on: UTAH 11

By: Kaylie Jones

Kaylie Jones — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:18:31 +0000

Utah — I got that totally. I thought you showed very well how perpetrators/abusers see themselves as victims of their victims. Fascinating. I didn’t think you were too easy on him at all.

By: littlestar

littlestar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:54:05 +0000

It’s a pity we can’t bring Olaf back…

(and Tess, and Fyor, and Igor, and Fido and Omar – so many talented writers!)

By: littlestar

littlestar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:50:14 +0000

I didn’t think so! I’m wondering now if you’re even American, Utah. Guess I’ll find out very soon (c:

Congratulations on making it to the top two!

I didn’t count on seeing any of (what I thought of as) Delia and Corey’s story through Jacob’s eyes. It threw me for a bit – I thought of him as an intruder, getting in the way of the story.

But on re-reading, I realised that, yes, his story does have a place in your novella. It makes him more convincing once you’ve seen a little of what’s in his head. And that he actually did love Corey, in his own sick, twisted way… (Anna, I’m also reminded of Lolita and Humbert Humbert)

I have everything crossed that we’ll all get to find out how Corey and Delia are doing and how Corey reacts to Jacob’s secret e-mail next week…

Good luck, Utah!

By: JDEvolutionist

JDEvolutionist — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:46:38 +0000

Got to ‘Turn on’ first!! Embarrassingly I had to look it up, I was in my teen in the early ’60s. Perhaps Bruce Lipton is more appropriate to my comment in today’s world – not that I’m really sure where he’s going! I’m not religious, quite the opposite, but lots of Lipton’s ideas make a lot of sense as regards to understanding the significance of environment – the Condition of Existence.

As a result of your comment I watched a BBC documentary on Tim Leary – very interesting, he was quite a man. Sounds like you might have thought so too!!

By: Utah

Utah — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:35:09 +0000

“…a better bad guy.” I like that line, Chris.

By: Utah

Utah — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:31:53 +0000

Kaylie, thank you. Your comments are always a pleasure to read. I do remember you writing that. You suggested I focus more on the mental enslavement of Corey. I’m not sure I followed through on that as much as I should have. But I thought this round to reserve the tables. In some ways it’s Jacob’s mental enslavement at question. Not that I wanted there to be any element of exoneration. I included the line about his lust over her “skinny childish limbs” so that any empathy for Jacob could be viewed in light of the terrible reality of what has happened.

By: Chris Chartrand

Chris Chartrand — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:57:44 +0000

Great job Utah. I like how you brought the story back around to focus on Jacob. Injecting a little empathy makes for a better bad guy. This is going to be a tough choice this week. Best of luck to you.

By: Kaylie Jones

Kaylie Jones — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:04:18 +0000

Utah — I really loved this entry. I think seeing the world through Jacob’s eyes was a very good move. That’s not to say I don’t want to see the sonofabitch caught and suffering a LOT. I think I mentioned before that one of my students is writing a memoir about this and what I find most horrifying is the way the abused child is manipulated by the adult because the adult is the authority figure. I really liked how you stuck up for Coco, too. That shows real aplomb and honor.

By: Constantine Markides

Constantine Markides — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:16:01 +0000

I don’t think I can move it, Utah, because it’s a threaded comment. You could always repost and I could delete this one, but I wouldn’t bother. Any readers who’d have trouble figuring it out probably dropped out long ago. Just consider it a reflection of your narrative shifts in time…

By: Utah

Utah — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:17:07 +0000

Oh no, I hit “Reply” on the wrong comment. Host, is there any way this can be moved so it’s underneath JD’s second comment, not his first one?