Comments on: UTAH 8

By: littlestar

littlestar — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 02:13:53 +0000

I like the passage in Corey’s handwriting – because it’s a dream sequence, you can definitely get away with it.

Realistically, I can’t see any internet-addicted teen writing like that though without including a few smileys and the words “omg” and “lol” at least once…

By: Utah

Utah — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:31:41 +0000

I am humbled by all of your kind words. I was considering deleting the passage with Corey’s journal entry — I thought it was overindulgent — but thankfully I was short on time so I let it stand. One thing I’ve learned is I know nothing about what a reader wants to read!

David Lynch meets Stephen King… not exactly what I had in mind when I began!

By: seldom seen

seldom seen — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:06:17 +0000

hmmm. err, well lets see. ahh, how does one say… good? yes thats it. this is good writing.

By: Kaylie Jones

Kaylie Jones — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:21:21 +0000

Utah – I was worried at first that you’d just totally skipped Corey’s “dramatic arc” but was relieved to see you had only incorporated the prompt of a flash-forward, or dream sequence, into the story. I am deeply disturbed by this story and really want to read on, which is a very good sign, I think.

By: JDEvolutionist

JDEvolutionist — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 09:24:05 +0000

You’re absolutely right – nothing is black and white, in fact the reality is that everything is uniquely and infinitely variable. Unfortunately (or perhaps thankfully!) we have a tendency to unjustifiably see things in very simplistic terms. Yes, all things should be discussed good and bad but we need to wake up to the importance of carrying out the debate with a clear understanding of the weakness inherent in our processes of thinking – their high potential for taking us along erroneous paths that are potentially very hard to reverse. (George Soros – fertile fallacy).

By: Eros

Eros — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:29:23 +0000

Utah, I love the way you handled all of your challenges this round. Your story scares the hell out of me but I keep coming back to it because i can’t wait to see how you get Corey out of this mess. But like Jodi this round you have also managed to inspire me with Corey’s writing. Good job. Love, Eros

By: Vasia

Vasia — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:50:40 +0000

Excellent incorporation of the dream — and a little bit of David Lynch meets Stephen King? Lovely…

By: Utah

Utah — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:39:49 +0000

JDEvolutionist even though you lost me on the second half, I understand the gist of your comment. I can relate to what you’re saying but I don’t think it’s a black or white issue. T.v may be full of senseless, desensitizing violence but aren’t there times when we need to talk about the bad things? I wish it were otherwise, but not facing them isn’t going to make them go away!

By: littlestar

littlestar — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:46:20 +0000

Sorry Utah – but you did an absolutely amazing job!! This passage is pure brilliance.

By: JDEvolutionist

JDEvolutionist — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:43:30 +0000

Its perhaps a sad reflection of our times. In one of my earlier comments I expressed concern that advertising the bad in our society has a tendency to promote it – or at least something to that effect, my viewpoint’s shifted a bit!! – there is a play off against the damage done by letting people know what other people get up to and the need to protect the innocent; or words to that effect. Hence doubts can enter the mind now that might in the past never have had cause for existence. Thoughts as a product of interpretation of representational state based on experience are only ever based on elements of truth and are fundamentally more prone to be wrong than right. But unless we test them fully by constantly passing them through the portal of the brain and back into the real world we have a tendency to allow them to evolve their erroneous content. The results can be very destructive.
Sorry probably waffling again but its a subject that interests me – the workings of the mind that is!