Comments on: UTAH 7

By: Kaylie Jones

Kaylie Jones — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 23:01:54 +0000

II admire your honesty in your responses and I can see why this was draining. You were more clear than I in terms of the slightly jarring shift between 6 and 7. You are one of my two absolute favorites. It’s actually great when something takeas off in an unexpected direction!

By: Utah

Utah — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:41:27 +0000

JDEvolutionist, I must have really set the bar low if you and others take hope in this passage!

By: Utah

Utah — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:36:26 +0000

Thanks, all, for the comments. We’ll find out tomorrow, littlestar, if you truly do give the kiss of death!

Kaylie, there was in fact some hint as to the amount of time that passed. There is a description of snow outside so we know that it is winter. And Jacob is “celebrating” Corey’s 14th birthday so we know it’s the first winter since he took her to the cabin. Of course, it could be December or February, so in that sense you’re right. And you’re also right that it’s been an abrupt jump from the previous section in terms of relations between the two of them. I admit it’s been a bumpy journey…

By: JDEvolutionist

JDEvolutionist — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 22:37:25 +0000

Utah, don’t know quite how you have done it but you seem to have strangely mellowed the sickness that I think was generally felt in the early part of this novella while not denying the horror of what has happened. Perhaps it is that there is still hope for Corey. The story certainly needs to continue and you won’t be getting my vote.

By: Vasia

Vasia — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:24:14 +0000

Jacob’s wine description following Corey’s entrance back into the house was a brilliant element. Utah, you keep twisting the power dynamic here and my stomach along with it! Great work!

By: Kaylie Jones

Kaylie Jones — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:54:19 +0000

I love this but I wanted a slightly more clear sense of how much time has passed between 6 and 7. I think a little more of a hint as to what’s been going on between them, too. But I think this is very, very good.

By: littlestar

littlestar — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:25:59 +0000

I have been wondering how much you and the other contestants had planned before you started the competition, and whether you’d been able to follow through with your plans.

Utah, I’d tell you that you’re my new favourite, but whoever I like always often ends up being eliminated, so I’d better not say that…

Your novella gets creepier every week. I love it how, reading this passage, you can tell that time has passed, and you can fill in the gaps to work out what’s happened between Corey and Jacob in that time.

Like Anna, I just want to keep reading. Poor Corey…

By: Utah

Utah — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 01:32:48 +0000

Writing this one really left me drained. Perhaps it was the challenge, but the story has taken a path I never intended. I don’t know how other contestants are faring but I really feel like I’m being dragged along for the downhill ride. So much for holding the reins as an author!

By: Jodi Cleghorn

Jodi Cleghorn — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:08:57 +0000

This is perfect Utah. I found this far more chilling than last week. I loved the “you cut with the right hand and stab with the left” … when I saw it in the tweets earlier I thought it sounded like the sort of thing a mother would say to her child.

The knobbly knees were a nice touch also – shows Corey vulnerableness, puts the flash light on the child like elements of her.

You mix a gut wrenching cocktail of sanity, insanity, innocence and premediated evilness.

Bravo!!

By: annasbones

annasbones — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 17:32:24 +0000

Utah! This is amazing! I want to keep reading until the end. I feel hope for Corey.