Comments on: UTAH 5

By: Auggie

Auggie — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 05:01:28 +0000

this is good stuff. you didn’t need immunity to survive this round.

By: Utah

Utah — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 23:43:50 +0000

I’m not sure Dan if it will be Delia’s odyssey or Corey’s that will continue next week. I’ll have to see what the challenge is first (thumbs up to Host by the way on opening the challenge up to the public).

What I can say with certainty is that I’ll be here to tell the story. And I don’t say that out of confidence. I’m say that because my name isn’t on the voting poll!

By: danpowell

danpowell — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 08:58:51 +0000

I like the return of focus onto Delia. In fact, the story could have been made stronger by our not seeing Corey with her ‘abductor,’ hence heightening the mystery here. That said, this is a much stronger piece and the imagery works well to show Delia’s emotional state. Her odyssey to find her daughter begins next week, I am sure you will be here to tell it.

By: Utah

Utah — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:37:37 +0000

It’s been a busy week for me so I didn’t manage to start writing until late yesterday, which is why I just made the deadline. I’m not so pleased with the end product, but I’m glad it’s being received well!

Having immunity emboldened me to bring the story back to Delia’s perspective. I took advantage of the opening when it came. Perhaps I’m wrong but I feel that, for better or worse, most readers would rather read about what is going to happen in that cabin than about Delia’s grief. Hopefully I’ll find a way to blend both elements, and without the crutch of immunity!

By: JDEvolutionist

JDEvolutionist — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:11:46 +0000

Change of viewpoint always creates a different understanding of events and in this case the repositioning has been significant. I’m glad I did not allow my early reaction to the story line to impact on my voting. Now I’m hooked and want to know more.

The story, while still maintaining its basic line, has now significantly the shifted its point of interest – congratulations and roll on Round 6.

By: Jodi Cleghorn

Jodi Cleghorn — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:35:35 +0000

You’ve taken a really interesting tack with this Utah and brought it back to your original intention of this being a story of a mother and a daughter – and not of the sick bastard you lured the daughter away.

The stark images of the cornfields and the crows tie nicely with the original images you presented and foreshadowed with hin Round Two.

And like the others who are powering through this competition – you’ve left us with a taster of what is to come in Round Six.

I for one want to know where her search leads her and what she uncovers along the way.