TUCK 4

Sep 9, 2009 by

Read TUCK 1 here

Read TUCK 2 here

Read TUCK 3 here

Round 4 Challenge: Weave an element of Fyor’s story into your passage. It should be no more than 450 words.

Frank looked out the window of his first class seat at the receding Washington monument. They usually flew him out on private jets but intelligence was tightening its belt unlike the administration.

“Sir, what can I get you to drink?” the stewardess asked Frank.

“Take a guess.”

“Martini. Shaken not stirred,” she said coyly.

“Stirred not shaken. Shaking bruises the gin. They don’t tell you that in the movies.”

As she served him the drink she leaned so low he could smell the Gucci Envy on her neck. Her body was crying out to become the latest notch on Frank Braun’s Mile High belt. But he wasn’t risking national security for some easy bathroom thrill. Ralph Fiennes could afford such shenanigans but not Frank Braun.

“Go on,” he said smacking her ass lightly with his copy of National Review. “Get out of here.”

He swirled the gin and contemplated the recent dog murders. First the Doberman on his doorstep. Then the Portuguese Water Dog, the same breed as the First Dog, drowned on a makeshift waterboard with “Eros” shaven across its hind. He slammed back half the martini in one swig. Both killings had clearly been orchestrated by the same mastermind but why the change of names? He knew the answer was in Cyprus.

When news broke about the cananacide in Limassol, Cyprus, Frank had headquarters book him on the next flight to Larnaca. The entire bureau was convinced the crime was unconnected. But they knew they’d be fools not to let Frank investigate his hunches. Second-rate spies just saw dots. He saw the lines that connected them.

Cyprian police were holding the killer and a Ukrainian hooker, probably that minute violating her every orifice under a purported body search. He’d witnessed it too often in third-world backwaters. Hopefully they hadn’t gang banged her, or at least would wait until he finished his interview.

From what he’d gathered from the semi-literate officer, the man hired the hooker for S&M. At one point she went to the balcony for more rope, where she saw the dead terrier hanging from the clothesline with the rest of the laundry. The neighbors heard the screaming and called the police. They found her sobbing on the street half-naked. He was facedown in the bathroom floor, tied-up and duct-taped, flopping like a fish on land. There were welts all over his back where she’d walked on him in her stilettos. Frank chuckled to imagine it.

He knocked back the martini and snapped his fingers in the air. As the hostess turned, he pointed at his upraised empty glass. She winked and bent for the gin. Maybe a trip to the bathroom was in order, after all.

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30 Comments

  1. Lol, you outdid yourself this time Tuck, incorporating both Fyor and Coco’s storylines as well as BlackJack5555/Eros into your passage? And making it sound so natural to your original plot-line?
    Pure genius!

    Loving the story, want to read more! :)

  2. PS: “Stirred not shaken. Shaking bruises the gin.”? you put James Bond to shame.

  3. Good one Tuck. I voted for you last round and now you’ve turned it all around.

    Most things are up, down and round about – nothing much in life travels in straight lines, we just like to think things do, bit like ‘analytical science’.

    Like the cross connections – play the Host at his own game! Don’t think that this time you’ll need to feel the way you did at the end of the last round!!

  4. Howdie Ho, looks like I’ve made some new friends. It’s more than I can handle. I’ll be concerned if I get any more thumbs up. It’s cramping my style. I wouldn’t want to end up like one of those contestants who starts off every post with “Thank you.” If I wanted that I would have just gone to the butcher and had him chop my balls off.

  5. Eros

    Tuck, you’re still an S.O.B. Lol. You don’t have to worry about them still thinking that. 😉 I like the new approach that you have taken in your story. I can see Frank for who he is now that the hatefulness is out of the way. I think that I like the way that your story is going, but we’ll see what happens next week. I do hope that the voting goes better for you this week. I would like to see where you take this next. Now that the niceties are out of the way, I do have an issue with your story. I just don’t care for the way that you still have Frank making the rest of the world out to be more substandard then the US. It’s just like that here in some parts of the US. We have unintelligent people running somethings and as you know it’s not only in “third-world backwaters” that the police are corrupt rapists. Just backwater would have worked fine. Besides this I really do like your story this week, and I think that you took an interesting approach to this weeks challenge so you won’t be getting my vote, ether. Love, Eros.

  6. Oh boy. Now even Eros has got kind things to say… I gotta say, love, you’re a tough sonuvabitch yourself to have hung in like this.

    At least Dan laid me into a bit in his latest review rant. But then again, he pretty much laid into everybody so I don’t feel all that special. I guess I’ll just have to try harder to make Frank more hateful next time around.

  7. Eros

    No Tuck, I think that is a bad idea. I think that your story is final show throw now, there is no need to move backwards. I do see a change here. Dan may be right about Frank being sexist here, but you could have made it much worse by not having the flight attendant flirt with him first. The other thing about his sexism is that almost all straight guys are like that, we just don’t get to see in there heads, like we can with Frank. As for the racism that he is talking about I don’t see it in this passage, but you did avoid the issues that made the bigotry come out of Frank earlier, so we will have to see what next week brings. Human beings don’t change in one breath. I can tell that you have made great strides in your writing and in yourself. Keep up the good work, Tuck. I am sure we will have more to fight about when Frank catches up to Eros.

    Dan I don’t know where to put this comment to you so I will just put it here. The whole “24” similarities you are seeing I believe are just the genre. I haven’t ever watch a whole episode, I don’t tend to like this genre, but they almost all have the same plot line. If you want to talk about some one ripping of a story line, lets talk about Tess. I mean some of her lines come right out of episodes of “Sex and the City.”

    Love, Eros

    • The flirtation of the stewardess was what made Frank’s ‘sexism’ with a small s humourous. It was another nod to Bond and a decent one as Bond wouldn’t have hesitated. As for the ‘racism’ that was in the previous entries – my critique was for Tuck’s content so far.

      I totally agree with your comment on Tess and Sex in the City. And as for the 24 thing. Seriously, the plot of the first Season was about the attempted assassination of the Presidential Candidate and Senator for Maryland who went on, in the fictional world of 24 to be the first African-American President. I will however concede that 24 had a lot fewer dead dogs in it’s story.

      Yes, the genre breeds similarities but it still seems like we’ve seen it before. Thrice, seen as 24 had a further two attempts on David Palmer in the subsequent series as I remember.

      • Eros

        Thank you Dan for taking your time to help me understand your points. Coco was right you are a very nice guy. I would like for you and Jodi to know that I wasn’t trying to be mean when I call critics assholes, it just part of the job. You have to be the mean guy and tell the write that you think their writing sucks. The easiest way for most people to accomplish this job is by put that mantle on. It was nothing personal, you both appear to be very nice people on a personal level. Love, Eros

        • No offence taken. Anyway, I can be as much of an asshole as the next person. Except perhaps if the next person is Tuck :p

          • It takes courage and a big hairy nutsac to be an asshole. You’ll get there eventually. It’s a steep learning curve. Just watch and learn. And stop shaving your balls.

  8. Frank’s Mile High club belt? rather sophomoric. and martinis don’t get slammed, idiot. should have made it chocolate milk and your pseudo-nancydrew serial dog murder story would better identify for its intended audience.

  9. craig

    tony is killing it!

  10. craig

    and I don’t really care about this storyline. Or other writers’ interest in this writer’s development.
    It’s a contest – development occurs in preparation for the event. it’s about who is the best here right now. Who brings it in some sick unorthodox fashion, blows the world time away and points at the camera. This is not unique. It’s cheap sex and a raised eyebrow.

  11. Looks like Fourth Fiction has found its equivalent of the two grumpy old men from the muppet show. Craig Statler and Tony Waldorf. Don’t forget to bring your Vaseline for intermission, boys.

    Bores sip Martinis. Guys like Frank slam them. And the Mile High belt’s only sophomoric if you don’t have one.

  12. Only sophomoric and you don’t have one … and you want one??

    Interesting weaving of the other stories into yours … clever – but I don’t think this is your best effort.

    I must be in that perverse situation where I like Frank when he’s hateful (and that makes me feel a little sick – which undoubtedly you will relish Tuck!)

    Having said that – the stirred not shaken was all class (those who drink macchiatos know you spoon the milk onto the top because to put the spoon into the coffee ‘bruises’ it – so reminded me of that sort of poppycock bullshit!!) I also loved the comment about spies seeing dots and him the connection between – Frank’s all ego!

    And are you making up words. I googled “cananacide” and the only link was to your story??

    Waiting to see what’s in Cypress for Frank?

  13. So you like Frank most at his nastiest? Maybe that’s why Catherine’s no really meant yes. You’re not a lost cause after all, Jodi.

    Way to call out Tony on his moronic misreading of the martinis.

    Cananacide may not have been a word before, but if OED gets off their tea-and-crumpets-eating asses they’ll get it into their next edition.

  14. I think I like Frank best when I can rail AGAINST him rather than side with him. Perhaps that’s what it is.

    Good luck in the voting – would hate to see you go just yet.

  15. I’m concerned with the internecine nature of this round. I’m thinking of the winner as a publishable short story that I would be proud to see in a literary magazine, but it seems writers are getting too involved in mirroring each other’s stories. Would a civilian not keeping track of the competition get it?

    • I’m to blame for that since the Round 4 challenge was for the contestants to weave an element of Fyor’s story into their own. I’m not sure though that this would prevent readers, or civilians as you amusingly put it, from making sense of the story. But there’s no question that it makes for a richer read if one is also familiar with the other contestants’ writings.

  16. You sure about that, Kaylie? I’d be proud if any of this writing received even a personalized rejection letter. Publication would be an act of God. Or more like a grievous editorial error.

  17. Glad you made it through Tuck. Your story may not be my favourite but your comments always make me smile.

  18. Just as you start growing on me, Igor, they vote you off. No shocker there.

    Host, you’re getting artsy smartsy. Just don’t go all faggy Warhol on us. So we’re supposed to believe you only rolled that die once? Ain’t it odd how it’s always the females getting immunity. Hoping to get a piece after the contest or what? I don’t blame you. You may as well get something for your efforts.

  19. Host, how about some awards for our commenters? A bronze to JDEvolutionist for exposing the rampant voter fraud, a silver to Jodi for claiming that it was me not Utah who got immunity, and the gold to Annabones for calling all Fourth Fiction readers idiots. Encore, encore!

  20. How can I ever dislike you again, Tuck, after giving me a gold medal? 😉
    Happy that you’ve got immunity, am curious to see where his investigation is going to lead Frank.
    Hurry up.

    • I assume you were saying that tongue-in-cheek, but for the sake of other readers, no, Tuck does not have immunity this round. Utah has immunity.

      • !! how embarrassing. I actually thought Tuck had immunity, I was being completely honest!
        Oh well, Utah’s stoyline is wicked too.
        Sorry, Tuck, maybe next time!

  21. creg

    easy tuck, lighten up a touch.

    • What’s wrong, can’t take what you dish up? Are you a Christian man? If you are, you should go back to your Gospels. Jesus reserved his harshest words for the hypocrites.

      I like how you changed the spelling of your name to resemble smeg. It works for you.

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