Sep 28, 2009 by

Read Tess 5 here (see “Similar Posts” at the bottom of this post for any earlier entries)

Round 6 Challenge: Incorporate a White Russian and the words “over the line” into your next passage, which should be no more than 500 words.

My god was he hot in a dark-and-dangerous way (even being white). His cell phone went off, one of those bottom-of-the-line ones without Internet. It was so 90s technology, on him a total turn-on because it showed he had deeper things on his mind.

He answered, “Hi Trish.” Talk about finding something to start chatting him up on! Not that I ended up needing it.

By his businesslike tone I could tell my namesake wasn’t a girlfriend or anything. She was blabbing on. Finally he said, “It’s not your fault. Let me talk to her.” After a pause, his deep voice softened. “Anna, love, it’s daddy, what’s wrong…”

Oh. My. God. My heart melted right there. Literally. Nothing is sexier than a grown man talking sweetly to a child.

He said, “I know you did, love. It’s okay to go over the line. That’s why we have lines. To cross them. No more crying, okay, sweetheart? Good. I love you, banana. I know you do, honey. Be nice to Trish. She wasn’t being mean. See you in an itsy-bitsy bit.”

By now I was going all tingly. When he hung up I took the chance. I said, “Strife in the household?”

When he looked over at me, his lazy eye confused me. I wasn’t sure which eye to look at. It was a total faux pas but I ended up alternating between them.

He said, “My daughter got upset because the babysitter asked why she was crayoning outside the borders.”

I knew it would sound forced, but I had to find out. I said, “She sounds like my sort of girl. You and your wife must be so proud.”

He looked down at his coffee. “I’m divorced.”

Jackpot. The more he told me, the more the sexiness factor went through the roof. Not only was he older (experienced) a dad (provider) and single (available) but he was also an assistant professor at the LIU Brooklyn Campus (smart) in African-American literature (open-minded). Hotness.

He was more interested in hearing about me than talking. Unlike boys my age, he didn’t think he was the hottest thing since iCupcakes. I asked if I could sit in on his class. He said on a lecture, yes. He gave me the place and time and even wrote his number. Ka-ching!

He had to prepare for class so he excused himself. I didn’t want to sit there staring so I stood up to go. “So what’s my homework, professor? I wouldn’t want to come to class unprepared.”

He pulled from his leather bag a photocopied poem, Black Cop and White Russian, by Bobby Byrd. I flashed my eyes at him and said, “Sounds transgressive…” I hardly ever come up with lines like that on the spot.

On the way out, I swung my hips. It’s a cheap trick, but let’s face it girls, it works and it feels good. I could see his reflection in the glass door as I walked out. He was looking.

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  1. My heart melted reading this, Tess. Literally. It’s on the floor in a puddle.
    Way to be brave and attempt a big girl’s word like transgressive. I’m sure you came up with that on the spot.

    • Tuck, do this again and the comment will be your last words. If you plan on writing a farewell statement over the next two days, then keep your commenting to your own post. It’s your call.

  2. sorry tuck but it looks like it’s a puddle of something else that you’re standing in. feel free to stop by again anytime lol

  3. Oops – sorry Tess. I forgot to actually comment on your latest post. Which was what I actually meant to do before I got distracted.

    That wacky, zany Tuck…

    What can I say? Who can resist a love story? Not me – I really enjoyed reading this! Congrats on the whole immunity thing – can’t wait to see how Trish goes about chasing the guy of her dreams in next week’s episode!

    • lol thanks little star! don’t apologize, mi casa es tu casa! you can come comment anywhere you want (and the late great fido can come leave any puddles he wants) 😉 everyone is welcome. well everyone except for tuck. the property is off limits to him. there’s a stay away order on his head! ;(

  4. tetra

    not bad chick shit. sorry. lit. juvenile and desparate. well written and with good forward movement. cant knock your writing. its just so passe.

    • well you kinda *did* knock it! my writing may be juvenile and “desparate” but at least i can spell lol 😉

  5. tuck even *i* feel mature reading your stuff. how old are you, 12? have fun at junior high tomorrow. you probably get beat up a lot. that would explain things

  6. It was brilliant, how you incorporated “over the line.” I enjoyed reading this. I loved how your protagonist was “juvenile and desperate,” too, but there was also a hint of “fiery” in her, which makes her interesting.

  7. thx kuyerjudd! better to be juvenile and desperate (tho i prefer fiery lol) than serious and boring (yawn)

  8. Tess, I think its all coming together here, the balance of comments, dialogue and content is much improved (in my humble opinion) and your style, more than any of the other contributors, I think, has shown a developing maturity over the competition. It has started to sound a bit more juvenile as compared with earlier challenges and that’s something you can work on – up the characters maturity a bit perhaps? Anyway I await developments.

  9. I’m with JD on your writing maturing. I think you’re being hit with the charge of being juvenile for some of the little offhanded comments you’ve thrown in which in my opinion weren’t necessary – such as “hotness” and “ka-ching”.

    The use of the single word “hotness” at the end of the paragraph describing his attributes actually destroys a very witty and insightful paragraph. The reader gets it love … don’t treat us like we’re dumb … because you know we’re not and we know you’re not. What you’ve used to tick the challenge boxes shows us that.

    Perhaps a little laid on in his response to the child – don’t know many father who talk all cutesy to their daughters, but perhaps that’s just the guys and the dads I know!

  10. …”hottest thing since iCupcakes”?! lol

  11. i’m not treating you like you’re dumb jodi! maybe words like hotness and ka-ching are just how trisha thinks. maybe that’s her *voice*. the writing may be juvenile but it’s not calling anybody dumb (btw i’m sorry but i can’t be your love. i dont swing that way lol) 😉

    and don’t worry annasbones. i’m not going to get bitchy at you. it’s totally obvious that reading about trisha is like looking at yourself in the mirror. taking your personal issues out on trisha (or dan or jodi) isn’t going to ruffle my skirt!

  12. host maybe i can call you fifthnight from now on? 😉

  13. am i the only one waiting for this video??? host, you’ve officially become sixthnight… i hope you don’t forget that our deadlines are non negotiable!! 😉

    • If the website changes to Sixth Night, that means this whole competition would have to be known thereafter as Sixth Fiction.

      Sixth Fiction?

      Try saying that ten times fast! (c:

  14. I filmed and edited a small portion of footage over the weekend and was totally blown away by the time consuming task of editing and splicing together even a small amount of footage.

    Nothing like writing in pressure cooker circumstances :) (I’m forever writing mine the night of the 10th!)

  15. Just checked the uploading status bar and realize that “shortly” isn’t the right word. It’s a long video. I’d say one hour tops and the video will be up.

  16. You sure did, Jodi (it’s an inside joke, although it won’t be inside for much longer).

    Tess, I admit, I’ve proven to be a Sixth Nighter. Once again apologies to all readers and writers for the delay. At least I can’t be accused of being sporadically late. Video is now being processed so I should be able to post it shortly.

  17. omg never mind you’re forgiven about being late host!! that video was too cool! but little star is right about omar. Seriously?? OMAR!? like that amazing sweetie dylan said “ciao brother!” i’ll miss you :( and cant wait till december!

    blessing of the animals!? bless new york!

    sixthfictionsixthfictionsixthfictionsixthfiction… yep little star it’s hard! but not as hard as fifthfictionfithfictionfithfiction… so looks like we’ll have to stay with fourth fiction after all! 😉

    one small problem with the video. you can’t read rhae’s challenge because it’s white on white. i can read “…sination plot” is it assassination plot?

    i think i’m going to learn harmonica after watching this! lol

    • Thanks Tess. I’m not sure how I missed the white text on white background. You’re right that Rhae’s Challenge is to “Incorporate an Assassination Plot.” I’m not going to delete the video and upload another one, but I’ll make note of it in the text that precedes the video.

    • I’m still in shock about Omar.

      I loved hearing the camera operator (or someone nearby) giggling at the tiny dog with huge ears. And the twenty-odd guys with guitars doing “All My Loving” rocked!

      And, talking of rocking – Mr. Host, you totally rule the harmonica! I’m now assuming the harmonica bit at the start of each video is you?


      Err. Tess? A homicidal clown? In your story? Good luck…

      • Thanks littlestar. Some of my favorite parts are the background sounds throughout the video, like the parrot squawking when Pete Seeger is singing “Redwood Forests.”

        Yes, the harmonica at the beginning is me playing. It’s an easy way to not have to worry about copyright infringement. I’m not sure what copyright law says regarding my use of the Big Lebowski video clips and the clip from Johnny Cash’s song. I probably don’t want to know…

      • omg b*E*low me not blow me, seldom seen lol! i guess you probably knew that. i watched it again to check and it was so funny i snorted my odwalla out of my nose!!

        still don’t know what to do about the homicidal clown. it could be worse though… as in an astral projection. i can’t wait to read olaf’s rflmao!

  18. i know i shouldn’t say this here but yay obama on the nobel peace prize!! and why are some people grumbling about it? it totally wasn’t premature <l:0

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