Sep 8, 2009 by

Read TESS 1 here

Read TESS 2 here

Read TESS 3 here

Round 4 Challenge: Weave an element of Fyor’s story into your passage. It should be no more than 450 words.

Liz called me the next day to ask if I’d go with her to a “classy sex toy shop” in SoHo called Kiki de Montparnasse. She wasn’t kidding about the classy part. It had a dimly lit mansionesque interior hung with original Richard Avedon and Man Ray photos. Even the dressing room was velvet-draped. The place had style. Style with a price tag. One of their titanium “dilettos” went for almost $4000 (dildos had been renamed “dilettos” and sex toys “instruments of pleasure”).

I knew Liz wanted lingerie to jumpstart her boyfriend, who had zero sex drive. They did it like once a week. Maybe that’s normal if you’re married with kids but she was 22 and ready to spend half her waking hours spread-eagle. She was always going on about it.

From inside the changing booth, Liz said, “So how did it go with Ashton last night?”

“I told him he was a stingy prick who only wanted a cheap lay.”

“Are you crazy? I liked him.”

“Yeah, I noticed at the bar.”

Liz parted the velvet curtains and popped her head out. “You’re kidding right? I hope you’re kidding.”

I said, “Come on, nobody said flirting with your friend’s date was illegal.” I was this close to saying I’d give her his number since he, unlike her boyfriend, might actually get it on with her.

“Yeah, and nobody said wanting to have sex was illegal either. You should have gone for it.”

“I’m waiting for the right guy.”

“Waiting! Waiting! I haven’t even tried any backdoor action yet and you’re saying you’re the one waiting!” Liz broke into laughter. “You’re the weirdest girl I’ve ever known, Trisha. God bless you.”

“I’m straight as an arrow compared to the boys I’ve found on the Internet. I’m done hunting boys online.”

Liz said, “I just read about some guy in an Internet cult who stuck his dog in the washing machine.”

“See what I mean? Freakoids.”

Liz stepped out of the booth in a black lacy bodysuit. “What do you think? It’s $200 off.”

“Turn around.” She did and wiggled her hips. “Makes your bum look nice.”

“How about my boobs?” she said, turning to the side and cupping them from below. They projected, that’s how big they were. Like 99.99 percent of big-boobed girls, Liz always wore low cut blouses so boys could gape at them. It was annoying but I tried to remember she didn’t have much else to work with.

So I said, “They say come and get me.”

She forked up $185 and bought it. Nothing changed in her sex life. She should have taken my advice and gone for a diletto instead.

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  1. Tess, the story could be there but at present it seems weak and I’m not sure your style of dialogue really works – I may have misunderstood Jodi’s comment at the last round but I don’t think you took her advise about the attributes!!

    As the competition progresses its getting very confusing to decide what to vote for but I’m still kind of keen that you should get more opportunity to get it off the ground. Trouble is that you are up against some tough opposition that has generated by their work a strong feeling of wanting to know more.

    • so what is it JD? too many dialogue attributes or not enough dialogue attributes? i only had like two or three in the whole thing. i can’t imagine that there weren’t enough for you. if you’re able to use those big words that you write then you definitely can figure out who’s who when there’s only two people talking. lol

      oh well. advice schmadvice. thanks for the comment 😉

      host, i like the new way you announce the posts by including a quote (it’s true about the $4000 diletto you know). it was pretty boring before when you would just say Blah has posted round 1 and Blah has posted and etcetera.

      nite all (-_-)Zzzzzz

      • Oh dear! Think your’e a bit miffed. Just feel that your onto something but need to get the style right. I liked the ‘99.99 percent …’ bit!! But don’t take me too seriously – I’m no authority!! Hey, I just work in the oilfield!! They classify us as “oilfield trash”.

        • did you say you work in an oilfield?! not miffed at all! i wasn’t being sarcastic, i was just wondering what you meant about the dialogue. i dont usually lol if i’m upset. lol.

      • Yeah, that’s why I started adding the blurbs to the Twitter posts. As for the $4000 diletto, I’ll take your word on it…

  2. craig

    you’re going to get tossed if you don’t step it up. there is some serious shit going on in this competition and imagining a 22 year old rich girl in lingerie that can’t get laid is not going to make it. Somebody better get deep. And not just this girl’s boyfriend. If it’s about fucking, let’s do it. Stagnant relationships? let’s do it. witty diagloge? bring it. make it happen. kill a dog. stab it in the eye with a dillette. take the sexenergy into an MMA lockerroom. at least make out with that other lame character

  3. oomg littlestar is right aobut loon]ies. i’ll tell you what i think to you later craig when eveyrthing sint’ swingin swinging around. and no i’m not gong to makeout with her. uoull have ot live out htat fantasy of yours somewhere else. water water water must rememember

  4. oh my god. did i really write this last night? :( oh friday nights…
    never. drink. again.

  5. Good to see the dialogue in there Tess and the advice on the attributions – but felt you wasted most of your 450 words running over stuff we already knew – he was a bore, her friend and flirted with him and she was miffed about that.

    It seems like you gave away a chance to get some of the edge we’ve seen glimpses of. How did Trisha feel about being in the up market sex shop? We know Trisha doesn’t go all the way with blokes but does she go all the way when she’s alone with her toys? Or doesn’t she even go there?

    There was one snappy line in there – how her friend should have taken up with one of the dildos instead of the lingerie.

    I think you and Omar have a distinct advantage in this contest – because you can serve us up tiny vignette snap shots. You can entertain and wow us in a short space … but sadly Tess, the wow factor isn’t there this time. Hope there’s another chance for you to wow us.

  6. jodi, you really want all the dirty details don’t you! you’d be WAY more fun to go shopping with than liz! lol. you’re right, i probably should have written more about trisha’s feelings but then there would be less dialogue which is what you wanted last time! :)
    at this point I’m less interested in my writing and more in yours and auggies! lmao

  7. I don’t think you want to go sex toy shopping with me Tess – I would spend the entire time blushing trying to find my way out!

    I think you could have pulled off both Tess – the dialogue and the feelings. Often what is not said in the awkward silences between friends tells us the most. Perhaps Liz could have tried to lure her into some of those fancy dildos …. Anyway – there’s always next round and I will repost my comments from Dan’s site to mine and perhaps expand them out if I have time today.

    I’m not sinking down to engage Auggie. Again I forgot how dirty and pathetic comment streams can be. I come here to enjoy the writing of you guys.

    • jodi that’s what i thought about sex toy shopping the first time but even if you’re just browsing it’s kinda fun! maybe with somebody else i can pull off dialogue and feelings but with liz there’s no awkward silences that allow for that. she just yacks on and on! lol.
      i just read your comments on dan’s site. i don’t mind if my writing is a tease. things that don’t tease are boring. i don’t know what satchiness is but i’m going to google it right now…

  8. i agree with coco about igor :( and to think he was the one who was the favorite in the twitter vote!!

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