COCO 4
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Round 4 Challenge: Weave an element of Fyor’s story into your own passage. It should be no more than 450 words.
Every time Stavros calls during day I know he wants domination. At night when I go with him after cabaret he is like other men wanting usual sex. But in daytime he wants me to make him commands he must obey. He never even touched me once in daytime. Most cabaret women because they don’t understand dominatrix don’t go with Stavros. But me I can do that. I’ve seen more stranger things.
Ya sou Stavro I say in phone.
Maria, he says, you are free? I need to see you.
Yes now is okay. You want me to take taxi or you come get me?
Fifteen minutes I’ll be there. Bring your shoes with the spikes.
Me too before cabaret I liked to have man who could throw me on bed and pin my arms down and make it to me rough. Not anymore. Now I always make it cold and no passion like machine. Like carnival horse that men put in coins to ride for little while. Its why I say Maria is my name. So they don’t touch Ivana. To make my mind believe I am like actress in movie. But problem is movie is so long that soon I can’t tell where Maria stops and Ivana begins. That’s why some women doing cabaret for long time don’t use different name. They know it doesn’t matter.
Usually man who likes dominatrix is from business or politics with too much power on others and so has fantasia to have others do control and domination to him. Those men you don’t need psychologia study to understand why they like it to be yelled and whipped. But Stavros is little different. His mother died few years ago. In Cyprus mother is very strong over the son her hole life so I think Stavros craves a woman to order him. Maybe he feels guilty for her death too so he thinks he deserves punishment. Maybe not but I like to try analysis. Its like exercise for brain.
I put shoes in bag and then cross road to beach where its’ more private. They used to pick me up next to cabaret but the woman next door at kiosk would always stare at me like saying You dirty hoar don’t you have shame? Maybe if I was her husband I would go to cabaret too.
How hot today is. He drives up in his black sunglasses. Hello Maria he says. Whole way to his apartment he says nothing else. He is bit strange today.
He unlocks front door and we go inside. Usually his dog makes barking and runs over but it is very quiet.
Stavro, I ask him, where is Frodo?
September 7th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Another outstanding passage! Bravo Coco
September 7th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Yes Coco, bravo!!
You have me fully entangled in this story, I can’t wait to read more. Reading your story has been like eating a four course meal every time. You look at the courses as they come out of the kitchen and think “that is not going to fill me”, but by the end of the fourth course you feel so full and satisfied. That is how your story has made me feel because you may have only used 449 words but your imagery speaks volumes. You really did surprise me with how you meet the challenge this week, I must say it was mind blowing. I am so glad that you got immunity for the next round of voting. Love, Eros
September 7th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Eros pretty much summed it up. Another amazing entry. I’m glad you have immunity this week, but I don’t think you would need it.
September 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Thanks all of you I’m so happy for the immunity. Maybe you dont think I need it Chris but with Fyor leaving you never know what vote will be. So like host said I will enjoy the free ride. And its because of all of you I got it so double thanks for that.
Sorry to do this here but Go Bondarenko! First Ukrainian to make it so far in major tennis tournament!
September 9th, 2009 at 5:54 am
With immunity this week you could have produced a below par piece. Instead you produce another great piece of writing. I like the way she describes herself as a carnival horse. A beautiful, sad and desparate image. Her need to seperate herself from what she is doing makes total sense and you write about that beautifully. Ivana is shaping up into a wonderful character, full of emotion and depth and with a fascinating story to tell. Looking forward to reading next week’s.
September 10th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Efharisto Dan. Carnival horses always seem to me so sad. Even more because they are supposed to be for having fun.
So Tuck is trying to invade my storey… That’s ok mister, I can play game like that too! Be careful Tuck because maybe Ivana is more than your tough guy Frank can handle
September 11th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
what, are you challenging yourself to write without using a single comma? its like trying to read what a robot is thinking
September 11th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Coco, whether Tuck meant to or not, he has given you a gift here. If you do decide to go with Tuck’s interaction with your story then it gives you a way to get away from the darkness of Fyor’s story and gives you a chance to tell about how the police don’t help with the problem of human exploitation. Otherwise just ignore what he did in his story and keep going like nothing changed in yours. Love, Eros
September 11th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
what is with everyone writing about cyprus? and like dipping their toes in sexytime?
September 13th, 2009 at 4:29 am
Thats okay for me Tony because reading you is like hearing chiwuawa who need to bark and growl at every one around to feel good because he is so small. But anyway you are funny at least. Man with mean humour is better than man with no humour.
September 13th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Go Coco – both for another outstanding piece of writing but also the chihuaha (and I can’t spell it either) comment about Tony.
I love the insights Ivana brings and while I liked the image of the Carnial horse – I thought the more startling reflection was of the cabaret women who no longer try to separate their lives. And perhaps because Ivana can see this – there is hope she wont stay around long enough.
Yes – Tuck is a thieving SOB but I am with however mentioned earlier – that perhaps it’s a backhanded gift. I’d love to see Ivana face off with Frank. I know who would win that one. And if you got in first and posted … Tuck woudl just have to eat it!
September 14th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Otchen khorosho!! I’m loving this story because it’s a real story, with a fascinating character. I hope you keep it up.
September 15th, 2009 at 3:41 am
Спасиьа! Yes to post early is good idea Jodi but I am not worried even if Frank writes first. I will wait like cat waits for bird to land near bye. It can come to me…
There is darkness in video this round. But I like challenge this time. There is very strong like suffering look in man’s face.
Bye by Igor