FIDO – Farewell Statement
*Fido was eliminated at the end of Round 2
Fido aint grieving. A dog on the go knows leaving and arriving are just two sides of the same bone, so don’t cry for me, fourthficreader. I knew that my dog song was my death knell, that i was doomin’ myself to the pet vet, bitin’ myself in the hind leg, barkin’ up the wrong tree, pawin’ up my own grave. But this dog would rather be gettin’ his woof on, raisin’ hell out in the wild, than snoozin’ in the parlor.
I won’t whimper or slink to the chopping block. My dog pride is intact, my heart no mangier than before. I’m down with being the thorn in the rose, the scorned prose, the hellbound hound. I can’t tone down for the tone deaf. You can take my life but you can’t take my bone.
It’s been a raging ride. We’re all surfing the lip of a techarybdis whirlpool of terabytes that’s about to suck us all down its wired maws. Publishers, you better start checking your emergency exits, cuz your house of cards is soon gonna fold.
A wag of the tail to dan daman and dannabones and djammin djemal and djodi and the rest of the dotcompadres who’ve tossed me cybertreats these last two months. You too host. I dug that last vid. Royalty pronouncing my fate, a righteous dumpster burial, a doggy challenge… damn, yo, i’m almost shedding a mongrel tear.
As for you, fellow currtestants, your faithful friend will be keeping an eye from the sidelines, waiting to lend an afterlife paw to all those poor V.I.P. R.I.P. pooches you’ll be sending in my wake this week. Sniff you all again when my winter hair comes on. Dogspeed to you.