COCO 2

Aug 19, 2009 by

Read COCO 1 here

ROUND 2: Write the opening paragraph of your novella. It should be no more than 300 words, not including your opening sentence, and should be about interactions that take place over the web.

An icon of Virgin Mary the Protectress hangs over his bed which makes it even more horrible as I take off dress because her sad eyes remind me of being girl in Donetsk when babushka would take me to church and say Light candle Ivana and pray to meet good man who can bring us food and new clothes. The old man sees me staring at icon so he removes it and puts it on floor facing wall. Then he takes pants off but leaves shirt on and sits naked on bed with hairy belly sticking out under his shirt. He tells Rodica and me he give us extra 100 euros to make video. Since three years now it happens too often. Always this video. Its because they watch homemade porno on internet. Young men old men even dedushkas in Pafos villages all have digital cameras now because they want to make video and put on web like sex star. To read comments like “wow bravo your so lucky” and feel like real man even though their just pathetic creep with some money in the pocket. Rodica says 200 euros. 100 each. And now he gets angry and I know he’s maybe not going to do it. So I check with Rodica in Russian and she says yes so I tell him 200 and you can film and even do sperma once in our face. Thats all you need to say and they throw there wallets at you. And in the end he didn’t anyway have any juice in him but we made usual faces and oohs and aahs like he was god of verility to keep the fool happy and then went back next morning with extra 100 euros each in our purses.

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9 Comments

  1. Coco, the challenge is to write your opening paragraph – only one paragraph – so I have merged all of your paragraphs into one.

  2. Felicia Fredlund

    This was the first paragraph I read where the internet mentionings wasn’t garishly standing out. *applaud*

  3. I’m with you Felicia. And Coco don’t worry about your grasp of the English language – because it is actually lending a unique “voice” to your writing, an authenticity to your characters and their circumstances.

    I won’t deny this story makes me cringe because of the subject matter – which means you are getting your message across loud and clear. A friend of mine worked for MSF in Armenia which is the on sex slave route from the Russia et al down to Europe and the stories she told are still very vivid in my head.

    Congratulations for persuing this story.

  4. thank you so much Felicia and Jodi for too nice things you say! I am happy you think my bad English gives me unique voice. as for story, I thought in begining i would write silly happy comedy but since this is reality show I decided to write something more real! 😉

  5. I agree with Jodi, your writing has an authenticity to it. You point out that the narrator’s first language is Russian clearly to the reader and the voice in your story sounds very real. Powerful and believable stuff. Looking forward to reading more.

  6. thank you dan! i just saw article today about fourth fiction in cyprus newspaper. here is link:
    http://www.cyprus-mail.com/news/main.php?id=47423&cat_id=9

    very funny to read! it called me a “likely hit” with cyprus reader haha :)

  7. Renata

    Coco, I couldn´t say it better than Dan, Felicia and Jordi already did. Can´t agree more.
    I really liked your writing, and your “accent” :)

  8. :) I to like your storey very much, Renata. you wrote “connecting people my white pale ass”. white? pale? sounds like you are writing about person from Ukraine! 😉

    • Renata

      Tks a lot, Coco! You made my day! :)
      And I laughed a lot about the Ukrainian people! In fact, even tough I´m brazilian, I´m pale as a ghost, (don´t ask me why, ´cause I myself have no idea… :D) So, I think I was referring to myself when I wrote it! Now the guy must be white pale too!! :)

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